Dear quarter

Quarter, quarter please end
Energy nor time
I have no left
To fight through
Day after day
Of grueling work
Quarter, quarter please end.

Mirror, Mirror

I stare long
At the magical oracle
Which answers to none.
Why do you exist?
I ask of it.
Am I wise enough to know?
I hear my echoes.

Unseen by naked eye
The reflections of mind and mirror.
Crisscrossing the medium
Like bullets; swift and powerful.

A psychological battle
With victory so close, yet so far.
Friend and foe, embodied together
Their deaths intertwined
I cannot live, while she dies.

A Sweet Pain

A silent uttering,
A fleeting glimpse,
A voiceless word.
A key to open
The Pandora's box
Thought to be buried
In seemingly elusive
Crevices of the heart.
Unleashes a pain, so sweet
Needs not remedy
But a change of heart.  

Looking into the eyes
Of a newborn baby.
Oh what innocence?
'Tis sad that we lose it all
As we gain so-called wisdom.

This is what I feel when I see the kids of today. They lose their innocence at a very early age. I somehow miss the inquisitiveness and eagerness of an innocent child wanting to know more. The average 6-year old of today knows everything, thanks to technology. Maybe I m being very pessimistic, but I feel technology has ruined our lives in a way. The rat race starts from a very early age, life moving at a faster pace each day. I wish there was to go back, I would happily re-live my life in the 80s.

The scintillating scent
As I smell her
Fresh, new and untouched.
I touch her, feel her
Soft inside, hard outside.
Fulfilling my desires
As I explore her.
Imagining every scene
She describes to me
As I flip through
Page after page,
Of a hardbound book.

Why, oh why ?
Should I wait so long.
Through dull and dreary,
Long winter nights.
Wrapped in layers
Of loneliness and despair.

A solitary light outside,
To hold all the hope.
Uncertainty creeping,
Along the cold walls
Gnawing away slowly
At little solace left,
Like rats on tidbits.

I cry out loudly,
But no soul to hear.
No consolations,
No shoulders to weep on.

No words can express,
The joy I feel
At the distant sight
Of a military man.

A great healer

No reason to smile,
Sorrow, pain and grief.
A solitary moment
In the span of time;
The great healer.
Transforming the known,
Dreams become reality,
Joy, happiness and bliss
Every reason to smile.

Time

She was waiting, her mind calm, just like the ocean by which she was standing. The cold water from the sea was touching her feet, sending a slight shiver through her body. She had no more expectations, she knew what was coming. It was the grand finale of her life, the king of all those small defeats. She had lost all hope, prepared herself for the end. Little did she know that life could turn around, so fast and so sharp. Clouded by the sadness of the past, her mind failed to notice the ship sailing in from afar, the ship that was going to rescue her from that stranded island, and carry her to greener pastures. Maybe it was karma or fate, that saved her soul from leaving this world forever and gave her the strength to live on.
When she woke up, she was no longer on that island, but surrounded by cheerful faces, scented candles, bright flowers and warm blankets. The world on the other side was nothing like her past life. It was the opposite of everything that she detested and feared. A perfect world, created just for her.
The ship was the turning point of her life. Had the ship been a few minutes late, or had she been a few minutes early, all her endurance and patience would have been for nothing. Time, every second and every minute counts dearly when the stakes are high. Life is a widely branched tree, with time deciding the branch taken. Every path has a different ending, only one can be ours, and we never know all the different endings. Time is the essence of life.

Dreams

Dreams and nightmares
Mysteries of the dark,
Unraveled at dawn
Some hazy, some vivid
Escaping my mind,
As fading memories.
Unconscious thoughts,
That I value precious
And wish to preserve
In a time capsule.

Manhattan

Wining and dining
On a night so fine,
Strolling a street
Lit up so bright
Talking merrily
With people so crazy
Thrills and frills,
Of living in Manhattan!

Childish innocence,
Splayed across your words,
A tinge of naughtiness,
Glistening in your eyes,
That sly seduction,
On your curved lips,
Oh, The Goddess of emotions,
To whom I fall prey, everyday.

Maze

Absolute crap. Not worth reading.

A cryptic maze,
With sharp angles
And blind turns.
The treasures to reap
Buried through the path
Hidden in plain sight
To the daring explorer.
In the "real" maze
A step taken forward
No way to turn back
Until the journey ends.

Realization

Walking along the shore,
Hands intertwined together,
Waves caressing our feet,
The stars shining bright.
Our shadows in the moonlight,
Mirroring the real life.
Looking into your eyes,
Realization dawned upon me.
The purpose of my being,
To love you all my life.

Never Forgotten

Never forgotten are,
The memories of time,
Gliding through clouds,
Bathing in the moonlight,
Walking by the shore,
Singing under the stars.

Never forgotten are,
The feelings of emotion,
Hearing the nightingale,
Smelling the green grass,
Touching the tender flowers,
Watching a woman's smile.

Never forgotten are,
The people of life,
A mother's care,
A father's protection,
A man's pride,
A woman's love.

Fate

Like a spider's web,
Tangled and mangled.
The Alcatraz of life
Escaping the confines,
The perpetual dream
Of a breathing soul.

His drama on Earth,
Toying and teasing
The lives of men,
Acting by the script.

Laughing haughtily,
Like a puppetmaster
Having the last laugh
The winner as always.
Like a spider's web
Tangled and mangled.

Tales of Time

The blue sky yonder
In no man's land
No man, no beast Ever
Remain unscathed
To carry precious
The tales of time 
And enlighten them
Yet innocent children  
Of man and beast.

The happiness liquid

A good article about why alcohol makes a person happy. The article gives a detailed explanation about the biological reasoning for the happy feeling after alcohol consumption. But I also feel the surroundings and the people we drink with also have an impact. I have noticed that on the days I drink with people whom I like in general, I feel much more happier. Also, the type of alcohol has a considerable contribution to the after effects. Red wine makes me very happy and the effect stays for almost a week. A few days back, I so badly wanted to dance under the moonlight because I was so excited and happy. A few glasses of red wine may not be so bad after all !

A love game

Side effects of Merlot.

---

The Sun and The Moon,
Young lovers.
Playing the hide-and-seek,
Behind clouds
Taunting us earthlings;
A tantalizing game

The good life

I went to The Good Life event on campus yesterday. It is one of those fun events with games, free goodies and food. My favorite was the hamster balls, in which we get into a huge air-filled balloon that floats on water and have fun trying to push it around. The good thing is we cannot hear outside noises inside the ball and our voice echos inside. Owing to all the jumping and falling, I felt a little dizzy at the end. The other game I enjoyed was the wall climbing. That looks real easy to watch, but it was quite scary when I got to the top. I also realized that my fitness level is not up to the mark. One of the good habits to learn from Americans is their regular physical exercise, be it rock climbing, swimming, tennis or working out. I should start going to RIMAC more often !
Then there were these other games like throwing balls into water glasses and loops, which I was not very good at :-) But I managed to win at one of them and got a towel(a cue to start working out perhaps ? ) That was followed by a dinner at Chipotle and Iron Man 3 at IMAX - what more can I ask for :-) Overall, I enjoyed they day, and feel more refreshed to work on my assignments.

Smetana Trio

The concert by Smetana Trio at UCSD's Conrad Prebys Hall was worth going. It was a good choice for the season's last concert. And it was my first concert of a trio of violin, cello and piano. They played 3 pieces as part of the main program. But as a special gesture, being the last program for the  season, they played a short piece in the end by a Chinese composer.
The first piece was dominated by the violin, and the piano did not really come through. The best piece followed. It was beautiful, the full range of the piano was exploited and the three instruments created magic. The short piece in the end was a bit different in style compared to the others. It was not very modern, a little orthodox perhaps. Overall, I enjoyed the evening, and finished it with a good dinner.

A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man.

I recently came across this term "sapiosexuality" in an article. I find that the word aptly describes my choice of men. I seem to fall for the geeks and nerds in the society. A good sense of humor, of course, is worth a good ten points. Until now I used to think this kind of behavior was closely associated with craziness. Now I am at least satisfied that I am not alone, and there are a good number of people who share similar feelings.   
I was recently pondering about the cause for this attraction. I feel it is due to an underlying sense of security in the fact that, intelligence is permanent and cannot be destroyed unlike wealth or physical beauty. No one can steal our intellect, it is safe inside our brain and mind.

God has placed no limits to the exercise of the intellect he has given us, on this side of the grave. - Francis Bacon

Expression of love

Miles I walked,
Before our paths crossed.
A silent conversation.
An all knowing smile,
And a glowing face.
Long lost emotion,
Written on his lips.
I knew it was done

Music

"What better way to relax, than a combination of some good music, a romance novel and a glass of wine - heaven on earth."

I attended a concert by Simon Shaheen on Friday. That was my first experience of listening to Middle Eastern sounds and tunes. Some of the tones had a similarity to Indian music, which is not surprising because of the cultural closeness between the two regions. I loved the style of the quintet. They played two pieces which followed a similar pattern. The five instruments together set a beat which continued to the end, and each instrument took turns to play solo. The result was a soothing effect on the ears. Especially, the violin was played beautifully, as though it were speaking to me. Thanks to UCSD, I had a good relaxation after a stressful week.

Food cravings

I live to eat

That is my life motto and I make sure to live by it. Cooking and eating food gives me such pleasure. I feel so blissful when I take in a mouthful of pasta or tiramisu. Ah! the very thought of spinach ravioli in white bechamel sauce makes me go crazy. I think Italian cuisine is by far the best I have come across till now. Maybe that is due to my strong bias towards cheese.

Another favorite of mine is tiramisu. Wow, the different layers of coffee, cheese and ladyfingers mingling together in my mouth, that is heavenly. I wish I were born in Italy, just for the food.

Another favorite in Italian culinary is their use of tomatoes. Tomato is my favorite fruit, I can eat it any form, any time of the day, any day of my life. I love the red, plump fruit in a thick, creamy soup, or in a salt-peppered juice or in a spicy Indian gravy. And the Italian marinara sauce is just perfect to satisfy my tomato cravings. Cherry tomatoes especially are close to my heart. I love cooking a sauce with cherry tomatoes, it is such a beautiful sight to watch them melt down and blend together.

 

Oh boy, all this writing about food has made me hungry(not kidding !) Just looking at all these pictures of food makes my mouth water :-)

More food cravings to come.. now I m off to satisfy my longing :-)

Expectations

Why do humans have expectations ? Expectations are bad in the sense that when they are not met, disappointment and frustration takes over. I think the root cause of expectation is emotional attachment, which could be with another person, a movie, book or anything for that matter. The level of expectation also plays a role in how much pain we experience. Low expectations can be met more often than higher level ones. Let us take an average movie, say a 0.5 rating, if the movie has been hyped and advertised on a grand scale, our mind is already biased towards the higher end, say 0.7.
So if the movie is not to our liking, say only 0.2, the difference between our mind's bias and the reality increases, and so does our frustration. But if our mind was neutral, or even better, had a lower expectation, we would not be disappointed, and hence no pain or sadness.
So is it better to be pessimistic and expect failure all the time ? Well, one can argue against that by quoting Paulo Coelho from The Alchemist “When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.” But then again, we have to be practical and expect only those events that have at least a 50% chance of happening to us. I cannot want to marry Brad Pitt and hope that the universe will help me achieve that. I would only be foolish if I do that. But I can expect to get a decent internship in a good company, which is being optimistic. There is a very thin line between optimism and foolishness, which we should identify and not cross. Similarly there is another thin line between low expectations and pessimism. Expecting a low grade in a course is very much different from being sure of failing in a course. If I keep saying to myself that I will fail the course, it may actually happen, because each time I am demotivating myself.
So the ideal frame of mind should be neutral. Unfortunately, reaching and maintaining that state of mind is quite difficult. If a person succeeds in that task, he/she would be the happiest and most peaceful person in the world.
On a side note, I have actually experienced the concept of universe-conspiring-to-help-you. When I applied to graduate school, I somehow had this intuition or confidence that I would get an admit into UCSD. I had this feeling that I already had an admit, and strongly believed that I would come to San Diego. I was actually telling people that I ll surely go to UCSD for graduate school. Maybe the universe reflected back all the positive signals I was sending out, and that actually increased the overall strength. Ah! metaphysics is such an interesting subject.. but in another post.

Mazhai varum from Veppam

I discovered this song recently, and it has a very haunting effect. The music is soft, flows smoothly and the singer's voice adds a sensual touch to the song. I especially like the violin interlude. The cinematography is also in line with the feel of the music and lyrics. Even her appearance with a light, breezy dress and her hair let loose adds to the sensuality of the song.

   

Poetry-ish... ?

My first ever poem, that is, if I can call it one :-)
But this will always be special to me. I am writing this at 2:30 am, unable to sleep, something nagging my mind. I had to put down some of my thoughts as usual, except, this time I managed to convert them into something poem-like.

---

The face in a crowd

Pretty pretty face,
Makes my heart race,
Eyes aglow with light,
My life becomes bright,
Morning, noon and night,
Without you in sight,
The tears fall like rain,
As the heart yearns with pain.

My first ever attempt at trying to write something worthwhile.

---

I was in a dream, slowly floating towards nowhere in a surreal world. As I pondered on my purpose of being there, I saw him at a distance staring at the vast expanse of sky above, his face full of eagerness. His eyes glowed with a strange mix of excitement and fear. Curiosity flooded my mind about what kind of pleasures and perils were expected from the sky. I stayed at a safe distance from him, out of fear of distracting him from his reverie. Suddenly I felt a drop trickle down my face. I touched it, and saw a smear of red on my tiny finger. A rain of blood. I slowly turned to look at him licking at the drops of red liquid on his palms. A cloud of fear and disgust consumed me like a tornado. Then it dawned upon me, the reasons for his initial emotions. The excitement at performing an act of sin and the fear of facing the punishment later. 

My lifetime favorite song for a calming effect. Some really good singing by Shankar Mahadevan and beautiful lyrics by Vairamuthu.

I do not know what it is about mathematics, but whenever I see a mix of numbers and greek symbols, I get this renewed energy and enthusiasm. The next ten weeks is going to be really hard, but somehow I got the confidence and the enthusiasm to live through that period and come out successfully. Math really inspires me ! I'm sure the majority of the world will despise me for saying that out loud, but I just could not help posting this after how I am feeling today :-)
A small tidbit related to this post - an interesting definition of mathematics which I came across when I was about the age 11 : "He, who has an ICS degree and is sandwiched between two mats."

Phew! I spent nearly thirty minutes trying to come up with an address for my blog. Almost every sensible word in the English dictionary seems to be used in some blog or the other. "Randomness", "randomthoughts", "randomstuff" and even "blahblah" ! Who would want to name their blog with a silly phrase like "blahblah" ? Well, I should not be the one to say this because I gave it a try too, in vain. Finally I was forced to settle with an incomplete word as part of my blog address.
What surprises, rather irritates, me is that most of these blogs are sparsely used, some are even empty. Why in the world do people want to lock some of the good names in their hardly-used blogs ? The phrases can at least be put to good use by a trying-to-be-a-good-blogger like me. Whatever, this is just a place to put down some of my crazy thoughts, and is not meant to make any sense whatsoever to anyone. And looks like I got off to a pretty decent start, or should I say my expectation of my writing ability has been met quite successfully.